Her father said they were not
to speak Italian, believing
the dialect they brought with them
along with their peasant clothes
and worn-out shoes was
something to be ashamed of.
But at times words fell
from her mamma’s lips
like petals shaken from a bough -
sta chiove, ‘n goppa,
iamme, ce verimm' aròppo.
When no-one was looking
my mother caught them,
pressed them into her memory
like flowers between
the pages of a secret book
to be handed down in time
to her own daughter.
If you've got circles where hair used to be,
And a combover for all to see,
And you're renowned for you’re double chin,
It looks like the journey south is about to begin.
Your heart beats at it's own pace,
With your kidneys all over the place,
Laughter lines around your mouth,
All indicative of the journey south,
Worried about your droopy bits,
Accused of having sumo man tits,
Spend too much time in your local howff,
You’re reaching the apex of the journey south.
Eyelids puffy and teeth full of holes,
A torso covered in little brown moles,
Moustache shaved off: it’s grey not neat,
A backside that engages a king size seat.
A face that shows you've been aboot,
Ears and nose are both hirsute,
Your favourite game is indoor gowf,
You're on the journey south.
Jaws are jowly, the cheeks puffed out,
Hearing creaking bones and suffering gout,
Shoulders are curved, increasingly round,
Belly casts a shadow over the ground.
Outside you're not looking totally smart,
Inwardly the problems are beginning to start,
And you’re feeling pretty down in the mouth,
There’s no denying, you're on the journey south
She enters like a tartan Virgin Mary,
blanket wrapped round her and the baby
and fixed at the shoulder with a safety pin.
Gonnae gie us tick tae Friday, Angie?
Her other weans surround her
but the shop counter divides their world
from mine. Eight-year-old lady bountiful
I pass them alms while no-one is looking:
penny caramels in waxy tartan wrappers,
flying saucers that explode in your mouth
like cosmic holy communion, the mysteries
of the universe sealed in a thrupenny lucky bag.
Caught, I’m banished to the back shop
where I sit on a brown rug floating
on a sea of green linoleum,
sail off with the Famous Five.
Later I help count the day’s takings,
build columns of copper pennies,
towers of silver sixpenny bits.
I hold up two leftover coins, one showing
a man with Brylcreemed hair, the other
a young girl in ringlets and ribbons.
I want them to smile at each other
but they won’t and I can’t make them.
Well ! At last I've given in,
I finally gone and joined a gym,
So in future I'll be toned and slim,
The old me's gone, it's in the bin.
Yes! I've been to redeem my induction,
Given instruction on my reduction,
I have cycled 10k on a bike,
Those calories can take a hike.
I have just tried out a fast treadmill,
But my body weight's at a standstill,
I've jumped about on a cross-trainer,
To lose the weight, it's a no-brainer.
Just now I'm on a one month trial,
it may seem longer in a while,
For the first time ever I've broken sweat,
My torso doesn't know what's hit it yet.
Already I'm fit as a butcher's dog,
My calves are ragged as a caramel log,
My thighs are thick and full of muscle,
Ready for a football tussle.
My butt's as firm as it's ever been,'
My wife can't believe what she's seein','
But my belly is proving stubborn to move,
Forty years of boozing to get this groove.
It's been better than I first thought,
There's folk there so old they ought not,
But then your never to young to have a go,
To improve your cardio-vascular so you know.
One day when my contract's ended,
And my wrecked body has been mended,
My mid-life crisis blown away,
I'll thank my kids for this one day,
OH! How I wish I looked after my temple,
If only it was just that simple,
No-one my age had heard of keep-fit or the gym,
Thought it was for posh poseurs like Kanye & Kim
So that's me part of a regime
What this is about is a team,
Whats the best bit? I've yet to see ,
Maybe two months will do it for me
William Brown